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Home > Halfway to my new meals goal, and other thoughts

Halfway to my new meals goal, and other thoughts

June 23rd, 2017 at 01:23 pm

Our CSA vegetable delivery has started up again, so I'm trying to look at it as inspiration for new meals. The first one I tried was roasted asparagus, chickpeas and shallots with a soy-lemon dressing. It was pretty good! I don't know if I'd go out of my way to make it again, but we all liked it. I served it over rice with a spinach-lettuce salad that had roasted pumpkin seeds and balsamic vinaigrette. (I usually just mix oil and vinegar for that, but this time I actually read a recipe and added salt, pepper and a little brown sugar, and it was delicious!)

So that's 25 new meals tried, 25 to go. I have another new meal planned for Saturday night.

AS left today on her travels, heading to NYC first. I haven't posted much because everything feels so up in the air. Trying hard to "go with the flow," which includes scheduling as well as money irregularities. And a good deal of emotions.

So AS's mom had her open-heart surgery Tuesday to repair a valve. She could have had her breathing tube removed and been out of sedation that day, but every patient is different. Doctors kept pushing it back until today, when AS was finally able to speak to her on the phone. She sounded groggy but OK. AS's sort-of plan is to stay in NYC until her mom is ready to leave the hospital. Her reasoning is her mom will have round-the-clock expert care there, but could use AS's help more (and just enjoy her company more) once she's headed home.

But then there's AS's aunt. Who has her own opinions and is trying to ram them down AS's throat. Namely that AS should have been there for the surgery (which was not a risky or uncertain procedure and is actually quite routine) and after. She's at the hospital now and freaks AS out every time she talks to her. Trying to tell AS that her mom is hiding things (all of a sudden her aunt reveals that she has suspected for a while that AS's mom "drinks." To excess? Who knows; she's very vague but worried and disapproving. But if she thought it was a serious thing, why hasn't she told AS before?). Trying to insist that AS's mom needs to go into a rehab facility for several weeks, that the doctors and nurses are more worried than they're letting on, that AS's mom sounded really bad when she came to and could only say "yes" or "no" with no sign she understood what was going on. (AS knows that is not the case because her mom was able to respond more than that even on the phone call they had right after she woke up and had the breathing tube removed.) Telling AS that she'll need to make several visits out there.

It's a big stew of manipulation, mistrust, judgy-ness, lifelong sibling conflict (between AS's aunt and mom) and attempts to get her way, for all of the above reasons. AS knows her aunt, knows she can be unreasonable, paranoid and inflexible. But still, when her mom's health is involved, it's hard to stay dispassionate in the face of all this.

So anyway, she's going to talk to her mom again tonight when she's had more time to clear her mind from her aunt's latest barrage (and when her mom will have had time to perk up after being sedated for four days). She'll talk to the doctor. She may talk to my sister, who's in the area and has visited a couple times. She'll try to decide if she is needed there sooner than she thought. My feeling is if her mom seems despondent, scared or lonely, that would be a good reason to come early. If not, there's no medical or practical reason to hurry down there. This is all due to her aunt's emotional blackmail.

I hate to think of AS having to take calls from the aunt when I'm not there, because they rattle her and I'm usually able to help her calm down. I'd like her to enjoy a couple days in NYC as planned before heading down. But I don't know how that's going to pan out.

I also don't know how long she'll be gone. She's been thinking a week or two in Va., starting next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I also don't know how much this will all cost. It's not that expensive to fly to Va. from NYC, but AS has also mentioned hiring additional help if the insurance-provided caregiver doesn't seem sufficient. So I know that could be a huge expense. And then there's the flight back from Va. to MN.

And then there's just the worrying. Me worrying about AS, her worrying about her mom, and what her aunt thinks of her, or might try to do.

And just missing her. We were separated for up to a month at a time when she was in college because she'd go home on breaks sometimes while I stayed in MN. But we haven't been apart for more than, probably, 5 days at a time since then. Our 20-year anniversary is coming up, so it's probably been over 15 years since we've been apart longer.

Plus, it's a luxury, but it's so nice to have three parents and I've gotten used to that flexibility and ability to cover for one another, so it's gonna be weird to be just me and NT. And the fact that AS works her own schedule, from home, gives her more opportunity to watch the kids if they come home sick, or wait for repairmen, or do little errands and chores that need doing during the work week.

So, I'm just trying to be supportive and flexible and get through the next unspecified number of days/weeks with relative grace and calm. It goes against my pro-planning, routine-loving self these days, but I know I have to try, and that it could be much worse.

10 Responses to “Halfway to my new meals goal, and other thoughts”

  1. My English Castle Says:

    Wishing you all the best through this. Family can be quite a pain, and it must be strange to be apart. Good thing communication is so easy these days. I often wonder how people handled it in the days when letters took weeks to arrive.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    It is very hard to be away from a spouse. My husband hasn't been traveling as often in the last two years, and it seems much more noticeable this summer while he is away. He is still coming home for some weekends, just not all of them. It does make me appreciate him even more when he returns.

  3. ThriftoRama Says:

    Hugs. That sounds really hard. I hope you all make it through with minimal drama.

  4. snafu Says:

    CJ, sent a PM as I've recently had similar surgery

  5. Carol Says:

    Hugs to all.

  6. Dido Says:

    Sorry to hear of the emotional turmoil for AS, and best wishes for all getting through this unsettled patch.

  7. MonkeyMama Says:

    Ugh. It's very hard to deal with that. Too many personalities like that in my family.

    Hang in there!

  8. rob62521 Says:

    Wow, what a tough situation. So sorry that this is going on for your AS; it kind of sounds like the aunt likes to stir the pot.

    I wondered if you would decide to try more recipes. I watched the new episode of Barefoot Contessa and I was thinking maybe I ought to pull out one of her cookbooks and try something new. You have inspired me.

  9. VS_ozgirl Says:

    Sorry to hear about your troubles - sometimes to get through things in the best way possible normal routine things need to take a backseat. You'll get back to normal soon, just be good to yourself so you can help AS. Hoping all is well soon.

  10. Frugaltexan75 Says:


    Sounds like a tough situation. Hopefully AS's call with her mom will clear things up.

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