Forgive the following little dime-store self-analyzing (not to mention self-aggrandizing) session. I just needed to work something out of my system and get to a happy place.
All of the wrangling that's been going on as a result of the home purchase and attempt to sell the condo is starting to take its toll on me. I've even started resenting a bit how our friends who are moving in are so blissfully happy about moving while I stress and sweat over getting this mortgage deal done and condo reno funded, are going out to eat and drink constantly while we scrimp and break our backs and watch the summer slip by, and who are planning to move in at their leisure in August, when we agreed rent is due Sept. 1. (They couldn't get out of their August rent at the old place and can't afford to pay two rents that month.)
Everything is so easy and there's only upside, whereas I feel like I'm panicking several times a week, constantly getting hit with more financial blows, like $7K in PMI added to the mortgage, potentially $10K-$15K to lose when (if) we sell the condo, and dealing with agents and brokers who, while not bad people, seem to always be asking for more, taking time and money and peace of mind at every turn.
(Granted, our friends have helped a ton: They loaned us $5K to help make the down payment and have said we can pay it back whenever. My friend's lawyering and photography skills have saved us tons of money and/or uncertainty while wading through negotiations and getting the condo staged and photographed. And my other friend helped get the first huge load of things into storage.)
But despite all that help, I started to feel resentful because I felt my share of the stress and work was so high, and I wasn't getting to feel any of the joy of moving into the new home. And I was starting to get a bit worried. Resentment is not a good place to start a new cooperative living situation from. So today I did a little soul searching while I was working, and I decided that the only thing I can change is how *I* choose to view this situation.
So I decided not to externalize my stress, nor resent those who aren't as stressed. I'm doing that by viewing myself as the hero in this situation, vs. the martyr (or victim).
I mean think about it. My friends killed their credit when they walked away from their underwater condo years ago. They've been renting a nice place since then, but starting to feel unmoored, like they wanted a "real" home again, but would not be able to qualify for a new home purchase at least for a while. They wanted kids and were planning to have one with a friend a few years ago, but that fell through; they are our kids' godparents and would love to have more of a role in their lives.
Then we gave them this opportunity: a chance to at least have a rent-controlled space, with the possibility of buying their share if things go well. A chance to see their goddaughters every day and help raise them. A sense of home and a project that we can work on together.
So I may be going through some fiscal pain and anxiety/fear now, but the end result is not just about getting a new home. I hereby declare myself a hero. Heroes have to overcome difficulties, and bear burdens for others, but they don't resent the people they help. I can be this person and kill the seeds of resentment before they grow.
Be the hero
July 16th, 2014 at 10:31 pm
July 16th, 2014 at 11:02 pm 1405551759
July 16th, 2014 at 11:19 pm 1405552747
July 17th, 2014 at 01:05 am 1405559151
July 17th, 2014 at 01:39 am 1405561191
I'm sure your SO's and your friends were enabling, but left to their own devices they wouldn't have embarked on this big an endeavor.
I guess what I'm trying to say *in the nicest way humanly possible* is that you kind of brought this on yourself ;-) I'm just glad that after all this work it looks like it's all going to turn out alright in the end. Also, I love your before and after photos!!
Good luck - it'll all be over soon! Focus on the end goal and soon you'll all be enjoying the new space.
July 17th, 2014 at 01:43 am 1405561389
July 17th, 2014 at 01:44 am 1405561460
July 17th, 2014 at 01:49 am 1405561791
July 17th, 2014 at 01:55 am 1405562130
I'm not worried about that because the unit is worth $350 more per month than we're charging our friends, and it's in a very desirable area.
July 17th, 2014 at 02:24 am 1405563846
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July 17th, 2014 at 02:44 am 1405565054
July 17th, 2014 at 01:05 pm 1405602326
No great words of wisdom, except to remember that you are likely doing things the best possible way because you've thoroughly thought it through. Plus be kind to yourself in the most basic ways (keep to a bedtime, regular healthy eating, extra cuddling with family, etc) I also found that super-focusing on stuff that may have fell to the wayside - making lunches the night before, packing up the bags for the next day, figuring out the next dinner the evening before, etc. I know I was scatterbrained from the stressful situations, and it was a way to feel in charge of something during times when I wasn't always, and it goes a long way in keeping to the basic care of you and your family. Take care and keep your eye on the prize!
July 17th, 2014 at 01:36 pm 1405604177