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Family dinners, charity decision, etc.

March 14th, 2012 at 03:04 am

Sometimes the easiest way to drastically change is to just do it out of the blue, rather than over-preparing and building it up in your head.

We'd vaguely thought about how eventually we'd like to have sit-down family dinners with AA, but it didn't seem feasible. We like home-cooked meals, often from scratch, and it usually takes at least an hour (usually a bit more) to cook. Knowing that, we usually focus on feeding AA after daycare and work, so we sometimes wouldn't start on dinner immediately and wouldn't eat until closer to 8 pm, near AA's bedtime.

Even if we did manage to cut down on cooking time, we figured, AA would be miserable waiting, because she's so used to eating right when she gets home.

But after the 2-year checkup, and reading about how family meals can help a child have a more balanced diet and healthier attitude toward food, we suddenly decided to have a family meal together the next night. One reason we were able to pull it together quickly was that I'd happened to cook the refried beans in advance.

So that night, I chopped the veggies, pressed the tofu and made the breading the night before, and AS made waffles, ready to pop in the toaster the next night.

Sure enough, the next night, all I had to do was bread and fry the tofu, steam and season the broccoli, and toast the waffles. Plenty of energy left over after AA had gone to bed to chop veggies for the lasagne the next night, and in fact AS put the lasagnes together that same night, so the next night all we had to do was pop them in the oven.

The next night AA went to bed early after her exciting birthday, but Sunday I started dinner early and we were able to eat together again! NT prepped his veggies for the next night and got his recipe out so he could put it together fast on Monday. I helped him a bit on Monday, but had plenty of time to chop mushrooms and onions to put in our grilled cheese sandwiches tonight, so those got put together faster. And tonight I chopped up broccoli, garlic and bread cubes for dinner tomorrow!

I know I'm being tedious listing this out, but I can't believe how well everything is coming together. I totally thought prepping the night before would just be adding more work to our lives, but in fact it takes away work from the next day, so it evens out. The only thing it adds is extra dishes to wash (Tupperware to store the pre-prep stuff), but since we have a dishwasher that doesn't add much actual work.

This is not only a good system if you need to get dinner on the table earlier to eat with your toddler, it could work for people who tend to be too hungry or tired themselves to put too much energy into cooking right after work. Once you eat and relax, prepping the next night's food at an unhurried pace is so easy. We've all had low-grade colds this whole time, yet we've managed to avoid the temptation to order in; no one's even suggested it!

And as for AA, the first night was really difficult; she wasn't expecting it, and it was weird. First she had to wait for food and we would only give her fruit to tide her over. Then she had to sit at the table versus running around between bites. And the TV was off, when usually she gets to watch Word World while she eats. She was pretty cranky and didn't eat much.

The next night, I showed her how to help me get napkins and utensils for everyone and put them on the table. That helped a bit. We started insisting she try two bites of everything (we used to say one, but she's two now!) and that annoyed her, but she had a waffle to comfort her. Smile

The night after that, we again showed her how to set the table. I also held her up to show her everyone dishing lasagne onto their plates, and we applauded when each person had gotten all their food. Smile

Sunday and Monday, she helped set the table again and ate at least two bites of everything on her plate without complaint and without much help.

Today we asked her to help set the table. I watched while she ran over to the drawer where our napkins were and counted out four, then took them over to the table so NT could help her set them out. When he put her in her booster seat, she sat calmly and watched me bring the food out, understanding that we were all going to eat soon.

The speed with which she takes on new tasks and new routines is kind of astounding. She doesn't freak out about not getting food right away (as long as we give her fruit), she's more open to trying new foods, she doesn't beg off my plate, she's more focused on eating her meal. She's patient about not getting down until everyone's finished eating, which she hated the first time. I mean, we're talking a complete lifestyle change in less than a week, and she's totally embraced it!

***

On to my other topic (if you're still reading at this point!): my charitable contributions.

We each get $50 per month to donate as we see fit. It can be to anything we consider a good cause.

I had gradually been talked into setting up regular monthly contributions for three places: an international aid org, a political organization and an environmental group. I had $10 of "free" charity money each month to do with as I see fit.

When I lost my wallet and canceled my cards, two of my regular donations went away, because they were linked to my card. (One of them has sent me a letter asking for new info, but the other one hasn't caught on yet.) I've been putting off updating my info because, frankly, it hasn't been very fun having my charity money siphoned off automatically each month. I realized that one of the reasons I was so adamant we put aside a fixed amount of money per month was so that if someone or some cause said "I need your help" and I was moved to help, I wouldn't have to wonder whether I had enough money to spare a donation. But with all my money tied to three organizations, it didn't really happen that way.

So I've decided to let my three regular donations lapse and just give money when the spirit moves me from now on.

The reason I thought of it was that a good friend from college posted on Facebook about her poor cat who has a large tumor and is having lots of expensive vet appointments to determine what it is and how to fix it. She mentioned that it had cost her a month and a half worth of rent so far and would end up being more.

I know this friend well enough to know that she's not rich, and she doesn't try to live beyond her means. She shares a place with three roommates, she hardly ever travels, she wears thrift-store clothes, she's never had a car. I also know she would never stop trying to save a pet, no matter how broke she got.

So I sent her a message on Facebook to see if I could donate to her cat's medical care, and she was so pleased. Probably as much by the thought as anything else. I set up a $55 check (all the charity money I'd accumulated since my automatic donations stopped) to mail out of my checking account.

And I thought, THIS is what I want. To feel that tiny bit of ability to help out when a need pops up. To scratch that itch when a cause crosses my path and I want to chip in.

It's partly selfish, but if it's more enjoyable to give money this way, why not? I don't give enough to make a huge difference anyway, so I might as well do it in a way that feels more meaningful to me.

11 Responses to “Family dinners, charity decision, etc.”

  1. Monkey Mama Says:
    1331695968

    I do not care for the tithe concept at all. I personally find it so much more rewarding to give when a need arises, as you experienced. {Just regularly sending a percentage somewhere, doesn't jive with me much - it's as exciting as paying a bill. Wink }.

    Reminds me, I was going to tell my mom to give the next cell phone reimbursement to their neighbors instead of me (the neighbor's house burned down - they lost *everything*). I will call her and tell her while I am thinking about it. She pays 100% of our combined cell phone bill, every 2 months. We pay the other months.

    I am glad the eating together is working well. I Was going to say not to overthink it - if you are all gathering together to cook, or just be in the same room together - is probably what matters. HEck, we watch TV together every night before bed. Not 100% the same, but is very much in the same vein. But your post reminds me people always seemed in awe at our kids table manners. We were kind of like *shrug.* We do tend to eat together, but I just don't think I ever gave it much thought! It's just how it comes together when you do eat together, I guess?

  2. LuckyRobin Says:
    1331697540

    I'm a big advocate of family dinners, but I was kind of giving your entry about attempting it with a two-year-old a bit of the side eye, just because I still clearly remember what both my kids, now 15 and 12, were like at 2. I am so glad it is working out for you, though. We generally eat dinner together as a family five days a week and then have a couple less formal days where we go our seperate ways. We also tend to have family movie night (a DVD, rarely a theater) once a week (usually Fridays, but will change that to Saturdays if DD has a dance or a game) and we usually play some sort of game on Sundays (Crazy Eights, Parcheesi, Clue, Monopoly). It makes a big difference in how we relate to our kids and how they relate to us. My daughter made a comment the other night about how her friends don't talk to their parents and she doesn't think she could ever live like that.

    Anyway, as for your girl, I'm not surprised she is getting the hang of setting the table or new tasks quickly. You will see a huge amount of progress this year in everything and it will just astound you, though she may regress for a while when the new baby is born, wanting you to do things for her that she's been capable of for months. With three parents around it might not be as bad as there is more attention to go around.

  3. Swimgirl Says:
    1331704369

    I'm still in shock thinking about your darling babe being two already! I remember when she was born...

    During our family dinner time, we always go around the table and have everyone tell about the best part of his or her day. It's tradition, and we get to connect.

  4. creditcardfree Says:
    1331729533

    We definitely enjoy our family dinners! I'm glad it has been a great transition for you.

  5. laura Says:
    1331732969


    Early on I concluded that it's best to involve everyone from the start (having 2 babies in 12.5 months I had to have my A Game on). If its fun in the beginning (as it sounds like you've made it) it isn't that much of a chore. Great work on pre-planning! I still tend to do a lot of the food prep for dinner in the 1:00 timeslot. Then I can either cook/or rewarm right after homework is done.

    And a big hug to you for helping out your friend with her beloved pet. DH and I agreed last year that charity begins in the home (we support our church weekly so that isn't really what I'm talking about). DH is involved in a very service oriented fraternal organization and it seemed that at every meeting there was a collection for something/someone. We got around that by sending him with two $5 bills to each monthly meeting and he can throw in and support whatever cause (or two) he wants. Other than that, we try to give to matters close to other's around us: the classmates' father whose running an Iron Man in his mother's memory to support ataxia research, a local family whose children are affected by Baetten's Syndrome, and the little girl who was selling homemade dog biscuits to raise money for the Humane Society have been this year's causes to date. Help from the heart is more, in my humble opinion, than rote donations. You've embraced the true spirit of giving. Smile

  6. Ima saver Says:
    1331738479

    I like the fact that you are giving to help in the cat's medical expenses. That is what I did this year. The castaway critters group rescued a cat that needed extensive surgery and I sent $200 to help out.

  7. BuckyBadger Says:
    1331752232

    I sent you a private message. Did you get it?

  8. ceejay74 Says:
    1331752616

    I found it and sent you a reply, BuckyBadger!

  9. frugaltexan75 Says:
    1331769427

    Family dinners are so important, and starting young will help AAs growth and development greatly. By the time she goes to pre-school, she will be very well prepared - academically and socially.

    In my family my mom always asks us for our highlights and lowlights whenever we have a meal together.

    --
    I tithe to my church every month, but if I see a charity/need arise, I will give something beyond that. I don't have a particular amount budgeted for that kind of giving, but I have enough leeway in several categories that I could come up with $20 or $30 fairly easily.

  10. ceejay74 Says:
    1331777227

    Thanks for all the suggestions about activities. I'm excited to have family game nights and such, once she's a little older.

    The great thing about this new initiative is that it was so half-assedly conceived, yet is working out great and actually making things easier rather than harder! Big Grin
    Robin, you're right: There's so much exciting stuff going on at this age! Every day she shows me something new that she's learned. Today she saw the moon in the morning sky, and kind of flipped out. "Uh oh, moon!" So now I know that SHE knows the moon is usually supposed to be only out at night. Smile

  11. Looking Forward Says:
    1332132409

    That's so great you've got a family dinner routine down! We pretty much all eat together every night and it's always been that way so I never gave much thought to how we do it. But like you it's planning. Plus DH starts dinner because he is home earlier so that helps tremendously.

    What toddlers can do and understand is so fun and amazing. Love it! Big Grin
    So good of you to donate to your friend's cat's care. I hope her kitty recovers quickly.

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