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Very interesting article

December 18th, 2017 at 09:19 pm

I found this article about signing a prenup to be so interesting. I relate to how the woman is feeling from how I was in my 20s and 30s, but I very much relate to the man, who's in his 40s as I am. It's a scary thing to have assets and be around someone you love who doesn't understand how to accumulate or protect assets. I am so so so glad my partners and I came into our relationship at about the same level of cluelessness and similar amounts of debt (though NT had more assets). I would have a hard time entering into a marriage in my 40s with someone like this woman who doesn't care about money and squanders it.

7 Responses to “Very interesting article”

  1. greenleaf Says:

    It's interestesting because reading that article, I wondered if the prenup itself and their relationshhip issues are actually what made her react so emotionally to the process. I've noticed that people who are irresponsible with money often react with the same emotions she describes to ANY process that forces them to actually look at their situation and not keep blissfully ignoring it. See the same reaction from people forced to answer concrete questions about retirement savings, whether they can repay/refinance debt, whether they qualify for a mortgage, etc.

    I'm very old fashioned about marriage and would react badly if a partner wanted a prenup, no matter which of us had more assets, because I would be horrified they would even consider terminating the marriage with anything other than one of our deaths. I don't sense that perspective AT ALL from this article. I think she just hated having to acknowledge that she hadn't been saving.

    Must admit I also don't understand people who are okay having a child with somebody they won't marry. If you don't understand which of those things is the more irrevocable commitment, you're an idiot.

  2. jokeabee Says:

    If I were ever to get married, I would have a prenup. Even if I was the one with far less in assets, I'd push for one. My assets are mostly a family legacy, I couldn't bare to have it squandered away. But also I do think it would take a lot of pressure off of the marriage/relationship.

    Greenleaf-sometimes people can make terrific parents but not so great spouses. I can absolutely see wanting to parent with someone who would make a great parent, but not necessarily want to be married to them.

  3. Butterscotch Says:

    Ugh, as I was reading it I was hoping she would just call of the wedding and leave with her tiny bank account and her dignity.

  4. snafu Says:

    The article left me feeling that we of an older generation do not understand how self absorbed the newer generations have become. I would have never charged up $ 10 K in CC [rented money] without a firm plan of how to pay it off PDQ. 42 is a bit long in the tooth to remain a 'free spirit.' I hope being a parent and wife has caused her to develop some level of responsibility towards long term financial growth. Do you conclude her loving spouse continues to earn so that she can continue to spend unfettered?

  5. PatientSaver Says:

    I really like Greenleaf's response.I don't think she had to take it all so personally, and I'm not sure it was necessary to be quizzed by lawyers about assets. It would be enough to have your own lawyer look it over and offer some suggestions, but that's it.

    People who aren't very good with money do typically respond in this way, to question why the subject of money is even brought up when it comes to something like "love." Like it or not, money is a part of love, life and everything else.

  6. ceejay74 Says:

    I agree with all of you. I related to that defensiveness (from how I felt in my 20s/early 30s) but I thought about her vague "oh we've had arguments about money because of him asking how I'm going to pay for that girls' weekend" type comments and thought about this guy trying to get her to be realistic about money and then just being like "you know what, nah, I'm getting a prenup." And I really related to him even though she didn't tell his side of the story with any empathy.

  7. Tabs Says:

    Elsewhere on the internet, there is someone asking for advice because she has over a million in assets, and is dating a guy who doesn't seem to financially savvy. She's asking like when should she tell him about her money, and I'm like never, unless he actually proposes first and then agrees to a prenup!

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