Sometimes when SA bloggers write very briefly and obliquely about things that seem to be hugely important (and dramatic), it seems strange to me. Not only does it arouse my curiosity to know the whole story, but it seems like something people would want to vent about.
But yesterday we got a dose of crazy in our lives, and I can see how you don't really want to rehash it. It's like you use up all your energy experiencing it the first time.
So I'll recap, but if it seems like I'm being strangely short or vague, that's why.
So it's a normal weekend, things are chugging along. I told my mom AS was pregnant, and she was really excited. She was the last family member that I was slightly worried would not take this the right way, so I was relieved.
We see we all have voice mails from AS's mom, but that's not unusual. Even if she just wants to chat idly, she'll typically leave messages on all our phones in quick succession if she doesn't get one of us in person.
NT finally listened to his message Sunday afternoon, and he said AS should call her mom right away. It sounded like something had happened to SJ, AS's 17-year-old adopted sister.
So AS did call her mom, and there was so much in their conversation that we're all still reeling. OK, so:
- SJ is in juvenile detention on charges of armed robbery for allegedly using a knife to hold up a woman at a store.
- She's saying she did it, but no one believes her, especially since a neighbor woman claims she saw SJ playing with her kids at the time of the robbery.
- They've already got a lawyer and hope to get her out today; the lawyer doesn't think she's got any real worry of being found guilty of this.
- SJ's ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend were recently arrested for a murder plot against some of his and her family members. A search of their possessions turned up a written note discussing killing AS's mom!!!! AS's mom is thinking this bizarre armed-robbery thing is somehow linked -- a frame-up? Is she saying she committed the robbery because someone threatened her? No one knows anything for sure.
- D, AS's adopted 18-year-old brother, called Child Protective Services because the dad (stepdad to all kids) hit him.
- AS's mom and stepdad have been separated for a couple years, but he recently moved back in and has been in and out. And has been verbally (and it seems physically) abusive. Also, not really helping out financially. Apparently he started divorce proceedings way back when, but stopped doing anything about it when he realized that AS's mom would be entitled to part of his income and pension. (At least he is paying for a lawyer for SJ's robbery charge, so that's something.)
- AS's mom asked AS for a loan from us (well, from my dad first, but we deflected that. She's mentioned getting a loan from my parents in the past but none of us want my parents getting involved in her financial ruin). She needs tabs and insurance for her car and to hire a divorce lawyer herself, since she knows stepdad will put it off indefinitely to avoid giving her money. Total she thinks she needs for all three: $2500.
I can't even express how unexpected all of this is. SJ seems like a genuinely sweet and good kid, so that's the craziest part. The fact of all of this coming together, only some if it related, is especially overwhelming. AS's mom has been known to call and relate several layers of chaos and bad news all at once, and to hint around for money (we usually say no), but never chaos on this level, and never this desperate and specific plea for such a large amount of money.
So, we're going to do it this time. She needs car tabs and insurance, and she really needs that divorce (for her sanity as well as her financial well-being).
I was really freaked out by the amount. I didn't want to dip into our EF savings or curtail our student-loan payoff progress. We'd already spent much of our surplus income for the summer and fall on our "wish list," so there's not much money that's not allocated to something already.
But we're starting to figure it out. AS plans to get some freelance editing work, though I insisted she wait until the tiredness and nausea of first trimester subsides. I have $500 I was going to send to IRS as a prepayment on AS's 2012 self-employment tax, but I don't really need to do that right now. We can just pay the tax (if we even owe any) and any penalty when we actually do taxes. Or I can send some to the IRS the next time AS does a freelance job.
Then, AS is getting $400 from her recent speaking engagement in NY, which she was going to keep for herself or donate to her publishing house, but she can give it to her mom when she gets it.
I have $100 surplus money in October's budget, and we have a new Mastercard that we'll get a $200 bonus from once we spend $500.
I have about $400 in surplus money in November's budget.
So, $500, $400, $100, $200, $400 ... that's $1600 right there that we can scrounge over the next month and a half without too much trouble. If we can't figure out where to get the other $900, we can take it out of our own lawyer fund and pay that back in when AS does some freelance or some other extra money comes our way.
AS's mom is trying to insist this will be a loan, but we know better. So no matter what she says or thinks, we are viewing this as money we won't get back. That's why I want to try and do it as painlessly as possible, without harming any of our goals or security.
And honestly, I would have said we couldn't do it if it was really going to hold us back. It royally sucks to lose that money that could be going to pay off our student loans or buy stuff for ourselves, but we feel obligated to try and help AS's mom. I just really hope she uses the money for the stated purposes and doesn't just fritter it away. But that's up to her and not to us.
In a way, I think figuring out the financial logistics is helping distract me from my intense worry about AS's little sister. The whole rest of the situation is so far out of our control that it almost feels good to have a part that we can do something about.
Big drama, big expense
September 26th, 2011 at 08:23 pm
September 26th, 2011 at 08:29 pm 1317068964
September 26th, 2011 at 08:48 pm 1317070090
Poor AS! My heart goes out to her, having to hear and deal with this while in the beginning of a pregnancy.
It is kind of you to help out. It sounds like it is badly needed, given all that is going on. It is also good that you have room in your budget to squelch the money out of.
Hope this drama is all sorted out soon.
September 26th, 2011 at 08:55 pm 1317070553
September 26th, 2011 at 08:57 pm 1317070659
Without knowing any more about the situation, I'd just give her the money, too. Though, maybe offer to pay the divorce lawyer directly (is the only thing I can think of, versus just writing a check to her).
But, I know what you mean. In a big family, drama like this comes up every so often, and it's hard to wrap your brain around, much less explain it to someone else.
September 26th, 2011 at 09:23 pm 1317072199
September 26th, 2011 at 10:27 pm 1317076037
September 27th, 2011 at 03:02 pm 1317135740
- AS's grandparents opened a bank account in her name with money for applying to/visiting schools. AS's mom first checked it dozens of times a day, incurring charges every time, and then emptied the account. She never paid AS back.
- AS didn't qualify for federal student loans a couple years because her parents weren't submitting tax returns. I took out unsecured private loans so she didn't have to drop out. AS's parents said they'd pay me $4000 (a portion of the money I borrowed). I got $200 and then never heard anything more.
- When AS and I wanted to buy a house they ran a credit check and found she had a delinquent loan. It was an auto loan taken out when she would have been 15. It had her social security number but her mom's name. After some wrangling we were able to clear her name of the debt.
In conclusion, we love her, but we don't trust her. Especially in money matters.
September 27th, 2011 at 06:39 pm 1317148749
September 28th, 2011 at 08:43 pm 1317242607
October 2nd, 2011 at 09:05 pm 1317589551
Jerry
November 6th, 2011 at 09:58 pm 1320616717