NOTE: If you haven't heard the made-up word "spendy," you haven't been to Minnesota. 
OK, so I've been having a long rambly thought process going on in my head for the past few hours. Thought I'd try to get some of it written down.
It started when I saw a link on the MSN home page to some photos of everyday people on the street in fashionable clothes. Reminded me to go to
Scrolling through the photos awakened a desire in myself to really dig into fashion and discover my own taste and ideal looks, maybe become a bit more adventurous or just try for a more classic, elegant look than the tops-and-jeans, sundresses-and-flipflops combos that I typically wear.
That got me thinking about whether this would really be a worthwhile pursuit. I mean, not only is it an ephemeral art form with little accumulated benefit (except maybe better vacation photos LOL), it's potentially expensive and, well, pretty much entirely self-centered. I guess you could argue that other people like to see interestingly dressed people, but other than that it's entirely self-absorbed.
Then I thought about how I'm feeling a bit stagnant physically. I always told myself that I'd start getting into shape as soon as I recovered from giving birth. Well, some things have mostly cleared up--the fatigue, the surgery aftermath, the rollercoaster of postpartum emotions--but I do have one problem still lingering, one that should have cleared up quickly but I fear has become chronic. If it doesn't clear up on its own, pretty much the only alternative is surgery. I'd like to avoid another surgery if possible, so I keep hanging on, trying to follow a home-remedy regimen in the hope that it clears up. I've recently decided if it doesn't clear up by my next doctor's appointment in mid-July, I'll ask her about taking the next step.
But anyway, it's a distracting and demoralizing (though minor) condition that's held me back from exercising, or really trying to look nice in any other way.
Another thing that's stagnating me is breastfeeding. Well, I'm mostly on pumping now because AA hates small, frequent meals and strongly prefers a big bottle meal, but she's still exclusively fed on breastmilk. The good side is that it's helping me lose some of my pregnancy weight without dieting or exercising, and she is thriving and clearly loves the stuff. But the bad part is I'm finding it hard to regard my body as my own again yet. It still feels like a vessel for the care of my baby. I also think it may be sapping my energy a bit, though I'm not sure if my general langorousness (sp?) is due to producing so much milk or to being quite out of shape.
Ever since the birth, I feel like my face and body have aged quite a bit. When I look at pictures from just a year or two ago and then now, I look much older. I'm also heavier than I've ever been (although that seems to be improving) and parts of my body are altered seemingly permanently.
Then I think about how sometimes when you feel bad about yourself, you can actually become MORE self-centered because you spend so much time feeling down about your own situation that you don't have as much time to empathize with others. When you feel like your own situation needs fixing, you're less apt to try and help fix other situations. (I'm not claiming these are absolute truths, just one way that people can be.)
That makes me begin to think that it would not be an unworthy pursuit to get into fashion a little, and try and get myself excited about improving my own appearance. Because there might be a domino effect of feeling more confident and "fixed," which would give me the boost to A) get into shape and get past the minor physical complaints I have since the birth, thus having more energy to B) pursue other things, such as less ephemeral creative hobbies and also philanthropic activities.
I tend to have a nice bit of spending money left over each week, unless we go out to eat more than once or something else expensive comes up. Not enough to start frequenting Macy's or Sak's, but maybe to check out their bargain racks once in a while. Also, while garage-sale and thrift-store shopping for fashionable garments is more time-consuming and hit-or-miss, it certainly is possible. So maybe I can do this and not completely drain my supply of spending money.
Dunno. Still thinking about it. But I'm definitely feeling restless now that my fatigue is lessening. I have that slight bit of creative energy that I get once in a while, and since it doesn't come often I generally try and harness it and do something while it lasts. And if I discover something I'm truly passionate about, as I did with budgeting and debt repayment, then it will last beyond the initial temporary flare-up of ambition.
June 3rd, 2010 at 06:54 pm 1275591263
June 4th, 2010 at 03:18 pm 1275664688
June 4th, 2010 at 03:24 pm 1275665081
I love fashion (and I LOVE the Sartorialist, btw), because I believe it's a tool we can all use to reinvent- and better- ourselves. I don't see "clothes" on people, I see style, so when someone can have an original and cohesive one I think it really enhances their personality. I hate shows like the ones on TLC that tell you what to wear and pick out boring outfits for the "common woman". I say throw the rulebook out the window. As long as you're age/body appropriate, who cares? It should be about self-expression.
Go for it.
June 4th, 2010 at 05:07 pm 1275671242
June 5th, 2010 at 12:01 am 1275696108
i swing between not caring about clothes and being very basic (denim skirt/t shirts) and dressing up. i've had discussions with friends because they can't define 'my style' lol. i confuse them.
June 7th, 2010 at 07:40 pm 1275939637
I know how you are feeling. I felt very much the same way with my first (DD). When breastfeeding I didn't feel like I "owned" my body anymore. Funny that I didn't feel like that when I was pregnant. I hated the changes that happened. Stretch marks, weight gain, wider hips/shape change and vericose/spider veins on my legs. It took me about 2 years to lose all the baby weight. And I think my body (shape change/hips)finally looked and felt pre-baby after 6 years. The vein issue I still have. I don't wear shorts out in public anymore. I'd love to change that someday. Maybe I'll just not care as I get older. Actually, a few seem better now after this baby. (??)
I told everyone that my body was looking good just in time for me to mess it all up again with baby #2.
This time I don't feel the same way. It is not bothering me much at all now. I guess because I know that time flies and I will look good again. (Someday.
I've got to be better with my eating. I've been over indulging in sweets and ice cream. I love to eat!
I am going to check out that fashion link. I could use some fresh ideas too.